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True Story

Posted September 15, 2009 by springy

<A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>What's in a Name? </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>A computer error gave two women in America called Patricia the same social security number. When the two women were brought together in an office to rectify the blunder they discovered that</A> <UL> <LI><A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>They had both been born with the names Patricia Ann Campbell </A> <LI><A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Both of their fathers were called Robert Campbell </A> <LI><A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Their birthdays were on 13th March 1941 </A> <LI><A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>They had both married military men in the year 1959 (within eleven days of each other) </A> <LI><A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>They each had two children aged 19 and 21 </A> <LI><A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>They both had an interest in oil painting </A> <LI><A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Both had studied cosmetics </A> <LI><A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Both had worked as book-keepers </A></LI></UL> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Bullet With Your Name on It</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>In 1893, Henry Ziegland ended a relationship with his girlfriend.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Tragically, his girlfriend took the news very badly, became distraught and took her own life.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Her distressed brother blamed his sister's death upon Henry, he went round to Henry's house, saw him out in the garden and tried to shoot him.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Luckily, the bullet only grazed Henry's face and embedded itself in a nearby tree.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>In 1913, twenty years after this incident, Henry decided to use dynamite to uproot a tree in his garden. The explosion propelled the embedded bullet from the tree straight into Henry Ziegland's head - killing him immediately.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Lucky Hughs?</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>On December 5th 1660, a ship sank in the straights of Dover - the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>On 5th December 1767, another ship sank in the same waters - 127 lost their lives, the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>On 8th August 1820, a picnic boat capsized on the Thames - there was one survivor - Hugh Williams.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>On 10th July 1940, a British trawler was destroyed by a German mine - only two men survived, one man and his nephew - they were both called Hugh Williams.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>With a Quack Quack Here</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Mr McDonald was a farmer who lived in Canada - nothing extra-ordinary in that - until you learn that his postcode contained the letter sequence EIEIO.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>'Til Death Did Them Part</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>In 1996, Paris police set out to investigate a late night, high speed car crash, both drivers had been killed instantly.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Investigations revealed that the deceased were in fact man and wife.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Police initially suspected some kind of murder or suicide pact but it became apparent that the pair had been separated for several months - neither could have known that the other would have been out driving that night - it was just a terrible coincidence.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>She's Behind You!</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Michael &&&& had been travelling around the UK with his family to track down his daughter, Lisa - who he had lost contact with ten years earlier.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>After a long fruitless search, he approached the Suffolk Free Press, who agreed to help him by putting an appeal in their newspaper.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Fortunately, his long lost daughter saw the appeal and the pair were reunited. The odd thing was, his daughter had been right behind him when the free paper took the photograph - shown in the photograph above. What are the chances of that!</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Licensed To Thrill</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>A fifteen year old pupil at Argoed High School in North Wales was to sit his GCSE examinations in 1990.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>His name was James Bond - his examination paper reference was 007.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>What Goes Around….</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>In 1965, at the age of four, Roger Lausier was swimming off a beach in Salem - he got into difficulties and was saved from drowning by a woman called Alice Blaise.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>In 1974, on the same beach, Roger was out on a raft when he pulled a drowning man from the water - amazingly, the man he saved was Alice Blaise's husband.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Lightning Never Strikes Twice?</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>British cavalry officer Major Summerford was fighting in the fields of Flanders in the last year of WW1, a flash of lightning knocked him off his horse and paralysed him from his waist down.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>He moved to Vancouver, Canada, six years later, whilst out fishing, Major Summerfield was struck by lightning again and the right side of his body became paralysed.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>After two years of recovery, it was a summers day and he was out in a local park, a summer storm blew up and Major Summerfield was struck by lightning again - permanently paralysing him.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>He died two years after this incident.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>However, four years after his death, his stone tomb was destroyed - it was struck by lightning!</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow> <HR title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only> </A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Practice What You Preach</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow></A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>Businessman Danie de Toit made a speech to an audience in South Africa - the topic of his speech was - watch out because death can strike you down at any time.</A> <A title=http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only href="http://groups.&&&&&.com/group/new_fun_and_fun_only" rel=nofollow>At the end of his speech, he put a peppermint in his mouth, and choked to death on it!</A>

Tags: What's, in, a, Name?

Another Joke of the day, If easily offended please don’

Posted August 28, 2009 by springy

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,........... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.' 'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.' 'Wow!..................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed. 'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own f---king blanket..' After a moment of silence, ......................he farted. The End

Another Joke of the day, If easily offended please don’

Posted August 28, 2009 by springy

<DIV> <DIV> <DIV>I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely, P. Niss The Response </DIV></DIV></DIV> Dear Penis: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags. Sincerely, V. Gina TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS IT ON! HOPE IT MADE YOU LAUGH! <DIV> <DIV> </DIV></DIV>

Another Joke of the day, If easily offended please don’

Posted August 27, 2009 by springy

<TABLE class=MsoNormalTable cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" vAlign=top> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep,<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></ DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long,<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV></D IV></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks.<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></ DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more.<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <o:p></o:p></DIV></D IV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> A MAN'S POEM:<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV > <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <o:p></o:p></DIV></D IV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> Huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> And loves to send me fishing and drinking. This<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a ****.<o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <DIV> <o:p></o:p></DIV></DIV></ DIV> <DIV> The End<o:p></o:p></DIV></TD></TR></T BODY></TABLE>

Another Joke of the day, If easily offended please don’

Posted August 27, 2009 by springy

A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is; until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing; only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?' She replied,20 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.' 'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.' 'Oh,this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.' 'But, where did you get the tools?' 'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.' The guy is stunned. 'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?' 'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?' Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet.' No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fast ened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. 'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?' When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. 'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months.You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now,something you've been longing for?' She stares into his eyes... He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes... 'F ***king hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?' <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

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